#!/usr/bin/perl ############################################################################## # Cliff's Banner Rotator Version 3.01 # # Copyright 1998 Shaven Ferret Productions # # Created 7/8/98 Last Modified 09/10/01 # # Available at http://www.shavenferret.com/scripts # ############################################################################## # COPYRIGHT NOTICE # # Copyright 1998 Shaven Ferret Productions All Rights Reserved. # # # # This script can be used free of charge so long as you don't change any # # part of it. By using this script you agree to indemnify me from any # # liability that might arise from its use. In simple English, if this # # script somehow makes your computer run amuck and kill the pope, it's not # # my fault. # # # # Redistributing\selling the code for this program without prior written # # consent is expressly forbidden. # ############################################################################## require "ad-lib.cgi"; &setup; open(FILE,"$datadir/main.txt"); @banners = ; close(FILE); print "Content-type: text/html\n\n"; srand; $i = int(rand(250)); if ($i != 64) { for ($i = $#banners; $i >= 0; $i--) { ($filenum,$weight,$inactive,$hideit,$hidetext,$hideact) = split(/\|/, $banners[$i]); if ($inactive == 0 && ($hideit == 0 || ($hideit && ($ENV{'DOCUMENT_URI'} =~ /$hidetext/ && $hideact == -1) || ($ENV{'DOCUMENT_URI'} !~ /$hidetext/ && $hideact == 0)))) { for ($j = 1; $j <= $weight; $j++) { splice(@okbanners,0,0,"$filenum|$i"); } } } $bannernum = int(rand($#okbanners+1)); ($filenum,$linenum) = split(/\|/,$okbanners[$bannernum]); open(FILE,"$datadir/h$filenum.txt"); @lines = ; close(FILE); print "$lines[1]"; ($trackctr,$java,$dimp,$imp,$dctr,$ctr,$ddate,$lmonth,$lday,$lyear,$conditions,$autoact,$email) = split(/\|/, $lines[0]); open(FILE,"$datadir/c$filenum.txt"); $temp = ; close(FILE); ($aimp,$actr) = split(/\|/,$temp); $aimp++; open(FILE,">$datadir/c$filenum.txt"); print FILE "$aimp|$actr"; close(FILE); if ($dimp || $dctr || $ddate) { &checkdel; } } # Changing or deleting the following line of this script is illegal. else { print "

Banner Rotator from Cliff's Perl Scripts

\n"; } sub checkdel { if ($dimp && $aimp >= $imp) { $true = -1; } elsif ($dimp) { $false = -1; } if ($dctr && $actr >= $ctr - 1) { $true = -1; } elsif ($dctr) { $false = -1; } if ($ddate) { &getdate; $lmonth++; if (($year > $lyear) || ($year == $lyear && $mon > $lmonth) || ($year == $lyear && $mon == $lmonth && $mday >= $lday)) { $true = -1; } else { $false = -1; } } if ($true && ($conditions == 0 || $false == 0)) { &deleteone; } }










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Coffee Club Remote

Sick For Home

     I am Jill's painful coffee withdrawal. Having sampled coffee from every institution in this town, I have this to say about that.

I WANT TO GO HOME!

    It isn't that I can't brew my own. Oh, no. But why would I want to when I can go to a cozy establishment and be waited upon like the princess that I am? So, props for all the free refills folks, but learn to brew a cup first.

    I've been to the Electric Café, which is in fact a greasy spoon. I don't know why they try to trick patrons with a goofy name like that into believing that they are in fact a café. The entire place reeks of french fries and they only have one type of coffee. Liquid crap.

    I've been to Chatters Corners, where the coffee was served in styrofoam and cream cost ten cents a squirt. I have been to every dirty little dive in town with the same results. It all tastes like shit, and refills are free.

    Service was abominable, aside from that hottie at the Corner Bistro, and Jill is hugely unimpressed. It isn't that I am not getting caffeine, that isn't the point. It is that I am pining for the whole experience. The witty banter, the luscious cakes, the dazzling array of liquids to cool your coffee with. The comfy couches and the obsequious counter sluts. I am Jill's overwhelming homesickness.